


Sometime Soon, at least

by meredithhildebrand



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meredithhildebrand/pseuds/meredithhildebrand
Summary: Basically, this is what I would imagine Simon and Baz's life to be like after the big battle at the end. Some fluff, some angst, some feels for these two incredible characters.





	1. Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> So, these are my two all-time favourite characters in the world. I read Carry On back in early February and I've been completely obsessed with these characters and their world ever since.  
> Thanks for reading, and I hope that you enjoy. I might continue this, depending when I have time, because we all know how busy life can get!  
> thanks again!

SIMON

It’s Christmas Eve. I try not to acknowledge it, but everything around me is making it almost impossible. I didn’t think that it was this possible to feel this awful about things that happened a whole year ago, but every time I look at Baz, or Penny, or the huge green Christmas tree that stands next to the television in the living room, I see flashes of blood, the Mage’s blood, and his dying body in my arms.  
The Humdrum staring at me with his bright eyes, showing me that everything was falling apart, and since I wasn’t the Chosen One, I couldn’t do anything about it. My whole world was crumbling around me, and the one thing that I thought was always going to be a part of me just left.  
I don’t want to think like this, but it’s hard when everything you held close to you was taken away in a moment’s time. I couldn’t look at Baz for almost a whole day a week ago, and thankfully he didn’t investigate about it. I know that he thought something was wrong, but he didn’t say anything. I slept in the living room for a night, because I just couldn’t stand being so close to him.  
I love Baz, God, I really, really do, but I want him to understand that what happened still haunts me. He wants to help me, I can tell by the way he looks at me every day when he asks me if I’m okay.  
I’m not okay. I need him. I need my magic back. I need everything to go back to the way it was, but I can’t have that. 

I look across the kitchen from my spot at the dinner table to look at Baz, his back turned to me and his black hair falling over his shoulders. Penny’s out with Micah; he came to visit for the holidays.  
It's been silent for almost too long, and I can tell that Baz is suspecting that something is up.  
“Thanks for the tea”, I say softly to him. He turns around, smiling.  
“You’re welcome, love,” he replies. He walks over to me and sits down on the chair next to me. I look at him through my peripheral vision, and I lean my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes.  
“Are you alright?” Baz asks me softly, and I swallow and nod.  
“Yeah, are you?” I reply in return, and Baz nods.  
“Absolutely,” he says. I hesitantly take his hand and hold it in mine, and I feel him smiling.  
“Do you want to go watch the telly?” I ask, and he nods.  
We walk to the couch and sit down, and I wrap the warm, fuzzy blanket that Penny got me for my birthday around my shoulders. I lean my head against Baz’s chest, and he wraps his arms around me tightly and holds me to him. He kisses my forehead.  
I turn on the TV and see a Christmas movie playing. It’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. A sour taste fills my mouth, and Baz takes the hint somehow and switches the channel to something else.  
We sit like that for hours, and we fall asleep like that. 

 

BAZ

 

I run my fingers through Simon’s curls and I think that he’s asleep.  
“Love?” I whisper. No response. I smile and lift him up, with his head against my shoulder and my arms around his shoulders and underneath his knees. I carry him to the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. I slide in beside him after undressing and wrap an arm around him. I know that Simon misses his magic. I wish I could give it back to him, but he and I both know that no matter how hard I try, he’s going to be without his magic for his whole life.  
I know he’s not okay. Maybe it makes me a jerk, or a bad boyfriend, but I really don’t know how to help him. The only person who can get through to him about something like this is Penny, and she’s gone most of the time nowadays. I can kiss him and give him my unconditional love, but no matter how many times I say that I love him, it’s not going to bring back his magic. He knows that I’m still hopelessly in love with him; I don’t think that I ever won’t be in love with him. I think that one of the reasons I love him so much is because he knows how cruel life is. If he didn’t, I don’t think anyone could get through to him. I’ve secretly talked with his therapist once, and she’s told me that he’s doing better then he used to, but I don’t know for sure if I should believe her. He doesn’t let me in on his therapy sessions. I think that a normal person in a relationship would be bothered by that, but Simon and I aren’t really in a normal relationship. We’ve both been broken; we’ve both seen our demons look us in the eye, we’ve both seen hell. At least variations of it. We’ve both asked, why? Why us, why this, why?  
I love him. I really, really do. I love him too much to not give him what he needs. And this, no matter how much it breaks my heart over and over again, is what he needs. At least right now. I have no reason to take this away from him. I just have to be here for him.  
He wants everything to go to back to the way it was. Before he knew about the Humdrum, before the Mage’s death, before his magic was taken away so suddenly. He held on then. He’s holding on. He’s going to be fine, we’re both going to be okay. Someday. And maybe that day isn’t for a long time, or maybe it’s going to be a week. I don’t know.  
I try not to think about this because I know that thinking about this doesn’t help anything. I feel like he’s slowly slipping away. I don't want him to feel like he's alone, because i think that we both know how that feels.  
I just want him to feel loved.


	2. Christmas, pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the previous chapter. These are basically unedited, so if you see something that you think should be changed, just comment below. I would really appreciate the feedback.

BAZ  
I wake up, and see that Simon's gone. I sigh and get out of bed, pulling on a pair of pajama pants and a black jumper. I walk out of the bedroom to see Simon in the kitchen, making tea. I smile softly. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, breathing him in. He smells like how he used to at Watford, like the soap that he used to use. I smile.   
"Good morning," I whisper. Simon swallows and turns his head, softly kissing me on my mouth. He pulls away.   
"How was your sleep?" he asks, stirring his tea slowly. I pull away from him.   
"It was good, what about yours?" I reply. He nods.   
"It was fine. I couldn't sleep, so I woke up around 2 am,".   
"You've been up since 2 am?" I ask, taken aback. That's not normal for Simon. He's normally a deep sleeper.   
"Did you have a nightmare?" I ask softly. Simon stiffens at my words.   
"No, I didn't," he says, noticeably more unsure than he was before. I just raise an eyebrow.   
"Okay then," I say, nodding slowly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, and if you have anything to say, comment down below.   
> These are my first pieces of work on Ao3, and I would really like the feedback so that I can be writing something that you guys would want to read. If you have any ideas, just say them down below.


End file.
